Manners are the coin in which love is
paid out. They are one of the main ways that charity begins at home.
They are extremely important in the creation and maintenance of a
healthy atmosphere in any space shared by humans. They go a long way
toward actually making a house a home and actually making a
biological unit a happy, functioning family. In a thousand little
ways throughout one single day spent together, we can chose to show
love and affection and regard for one another or we can chose to
communicate disinterest, disgust, disregard, and even hatred. In a
thousand little ways throughout one single day, we can create and
nourish and strengthen deep, lasting, profound, satisfying
relationships, or we can scratch and tear and damage those
relationships until they actually bleed to death.
Manners are especially important in a
home environment, where we often foolishly think that we can relax
our manners just because we ARE at home. But love most certainly does
NOT mean never having to say you are sorry ! Rather, how we treat the
people to whom we are most bound in this life, our wives, husbands,
sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, etc., will be an indication of
how we shall treat people in other contexts. Charity really must
begin at home, if it is to go anywhere at all, with any hope of being
even moderately well-dressed. Habits will be in place before
principles are ever understood and so parents must instill in their
children the simple, basic habits of courtesy from the earliest
years.
Manners also go a long way toward
creating a healthy work environment. When we treat those around us
with simple courtesy, we usually find it reciprocated. The principle
of "measure for measure"
pertains in our public life. Generally
speaking, though obviously not always, the "measure" you
use in your treatment of others is the "measure" you get
back (Luke 6:38). You get treated the way you treat. Difficult, even
volatile situations are often defused by a single word, or even by
the tone in which a single word is uttered, perhaps even by a
wordless gesture. A day at work can be made more pleasant, and
efficiency can be greatly enhanced, simply by the thoughtful
employment of the most basic rules of courtesy.
In Spanish-speaking countries, one
learns to use the subjunctive mood in order to soften requests or
demands. In this way, it is possible to ask for something slightly
indirectly and so much more respectfully. Or it is possible to use
the diminutive form of a word in order to win someone over, to
convince them to help you. "Amigo" or "amiga" can
become "amigito" or "amigita". Thus "friend"
quickly and easily becomes something like "my little buddy"
and so becomes a key to unlock a door which might otherwise stay fast
shut. Manners are the coin in which love is paid out. They are also
very effective social lubricant.
You will have recognized by now that a
lot of this has to do with what comes out of our mouths. A lot of
this has to do with the words we chose to allow to come out of our
mouths. A lot of this has to do with the tongue. The medieval proverb
is true : the first virtue is to keep your tongue. And here is a
modern 21st century version of that : "Never miss an opportunity
to keep your BIG MOUTH SHUT!" That is, in fact, very good
advice, for the tongue is a deadly weapon :
the tongue is a fire, a world of
iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the
whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set
on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of
serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of
mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full
of deadly poison.
Therewith bless we God, even the
Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the
similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and
cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. James 3:6-10
What can more easily poison the
atmosphere in a house than a whole bunch of people sitting around
griping and complaining about ... well, take your pick : the weather,
their school, their teachers, their neighbours, their friends, their
relatives, each other, their work, their co-workers, their boss,
their church, their pastor, the government, wages, taxes, and, if you
live in Saskatchewan and it is winter, the weather once again
... ? The atmosphere in a home, because of the tongue, often becomes
heavy, oppressive, and dark. In the same way, that atmosphere can
become light, refreshing, liberating, when we learn to use our
tongues to create rather than to destroy, to bless God rather than to
curse man. Again, this is done in the very simplest of ways, with a
word, or even with the slight modulation of the tone of a word.
All this is a way of saying that it is
important for us to be "positive". We do need to be careful
that what comes out of our mouths is gracious and helpful and
encouraging (Ephesians 4:29). There must always be a significant,
conscious, and very creative gap between the instant an unspoken
thought forms itself in our mind and the instant it goes flying
inexorably out of our mouth to lodge itself in the open and
unsuspecting mind of another. Words carry powerful emotional charges.
They can pierce and hurt and explode. They are missiles. And we need
always to be so careful what sort of impact our words will have on
those around us.
It is important, therefore, to be
positive. This is especially true for Christians, since we have so
much to be positive about. God is for us and so who can really
be against us ? (Romans 8:31). In a sense, everything, really
everything, has been given to us in Christ (1 Corinthians. 3:22).
Nothing can really hurt us. We are "okay". Why should we
not generally be very positive about life, about our daily
challenges, about our families, about the future, about everything ?
The fact is, our God reigneth (Isaiah 52:7). Hallelujah !
So, I agree that it is important to be
positive (and I insist on it very positively in my own home) but,
NOTA BENE, that statement must always, always be very carefully
qualified and cannot be held as the main principle of a philosophy of
life, the unassailable centre of a world-view. To hold to the
principle "always be positive" as if it were an absolute
value, an absolute truth, an unbreakable commandment of God, written
in stone as by His finger, is to be foolish in the extreme. It is
foolish on a very basic level because there are times when we need to
talk about things that will fall into the general category of
"negative". There are times when we really do need to talk
about things that are unpleasant or difficult or painful, times when
we need to be criticized ourselves or when we need to criticize
others. It would be impossible to raise children without punishing
them from time to time or criticizing them, calling attention to
things that they need to change in their behaviour, or in their
appearance, or in their habits. In the same way, it would be
impossible for our economy to function if employers were never
allowed to assess and evaluate and, if necessary, dismiss their
employees. Getting fired cannot usually be considered anything but
"negative", but there are people who need to be fired if
our economy is going to function.
At a deeper level, holding "be
positive" as the main principle of your philosophy of life,
becomes quickly absurd and even dangerous. When the widely popular
Joel Osteen quips, "If you can't be positive, at least be
quiet", and everyone happily applauds, we need to recognize what
is implied by his words. If
this is actually put in the context of all that he says in general,
it in fact amounts to a denial of reality, and a denial of reality
that sadly deceives others and outrageously insults God. For what is
he really saying but that we ought not to talk about reality, namely,
the reality that this is a fallen world in which we live, and that we
are a fallen race ? And let me point out, when pressed on this, Joel
Osteen readily admits that he will refuse to talk about sin because
it is negative and he just wants to be positive. But sin is real,
both the actual sin that we commit in our thoughts, words, and deeds,
and that latent, inner sin, called "original" or "birth"
sin, that infects every human heart that is born into the world. As
Spurgeon says, "In the youngest breast there lies a stone".
And we need to take that in, even if it is not very positive.
It is not very positive, but it is
true. Sin is the Great Negative. In the youngest breast there lies a
stone. Human beings are fallen creatures. Who could honestly read
history and think anything different ? Sin is a reality, a very
significant reality. And by refusing to talk about it, people like
Joel Osteen are really just telling God to be quiet. They are saying
that we ought not to talk about certain things that appear in the
Holy Scriptures. They obviously mean to say that God needs an editor.
And they are available. Joel Osteen and others may view the Bible as
a useful resource book for their happy pep talks, but they do not
view it as the Word of God written. And by telling God that He cannot
talk about certain things, which they as "pastors" do
simply by refusing to teach those things, they deceive those who look
to them for wisdom and guidance, ridiculously insulting the God whom
they presume to represent.
What does it mean to be dead in
trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1) ? Every human being needs to know
the answer to that question. It is, in fact, an accurate description
of everyone that is born into this world. There is a very real sense
in which we enter this world DOA : "dead on arrival". To be
dead in your trespasses and sins means to be in very great danger. It
means to be unable to save yourself, unable to save yourself from the
judgement, the wrath, that your condition really deserves, for God is
holy, and He is light, and there is no darkness in Him at all (1 John
1:5). To be dead in your trespasses and sins means to be condemned
and unable to save yourself from the condemnation that awaits you.
And let us be clear, there is nothing, nothing that can possibly be
more "negative" than this. This is as negative as it gets.
And this is what your condition is, indeed, it is what you ARE apart
from Jesus Christ. This is what every human being is apart from faith
in Jesus Christ.
Only Jesus Christ, only God, can by His
power make you alive when you are dead in your trespasses and sins.
And, please recognize, that you are so dead in your trespasses and
sins that you are entirely unable even to desire him to save you, let
alone turn to Him and ask for His mercy and grace and help. Even that
desire and that turning He must give to you. And, please recognize,
He is in no way obligated to give it to you. God is not
obligated to save anyone. He is not obligated to save you or to save
me. If He left us in our sins, and to the wages they inevitably earn,
i.e. a lost eternity, He would be entirely just.
The wonder is that He does save. By His
grace, and according to His sovereign will, He calls out of death
into life all those whom He chooses to call out of death into life,
all those whom He chooses to save, all those on whom He will have
mercy. We come to Him in repentance and faith, being saved entirely
by His grace, for even our faith in Him is His gift to us (Ephesians
2:8). Salvation is of the Lord Himself, from beginning to end. The
only difference between a believer and an unbeliever is the grace of
God. And, if we are in our right minds, and understand the
alternatives, we shall have it no other way.
Of course, this is precisely why human
beings, however foolishly, hate God and hate the Gospel. The Gospel
is good news, the best news ever, the most "positive" thing
ever, the Great Positive, but it implies our sinfulness and our
complete and utter inability to save ourselves. Man hates this. And
so man will insist upon being "positive" about man and will
do His best to silence God. Man refuses to let God say anything
negative about man. And generally speaking, when folks get all
sensitive and huffy about being judged or criticized, and when they
fire at you the words of Jesus, "Judge not" (Matthew 7:1),
they are really just wanting you to let them alone in their
trespasses and sins. They want the freedom, the right to sin. They
want God to shut-up. In this case, "If you can't be positive
then at least be quiet" really means : "Shut-up. Leave me
alone. I like being dead in my trespasses and sins".
Thankfully, God is not quiet. And He
will not be silenced by anyone, not huffy sinners nor rich
televangelists. He speaks. He speaks of the reality of sin and of the
reality of His grace and mercy and only fools refuse to hear Him
speak of BOTH those things. But those who do hear Him, who are
willing to hear ALL that He has to say, will hear the most positive
thing that can ever be, or has ever been said to man :
All that the Father giveth me shall
come to me ... and him that cometh to me I will in no wise
cast out. John 6:37
God grant that all who read this may so
come.
Excellent and great counsel.
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